My pet penguin and umm, *ahem* “life partner” hasn’t been very talkative lately and generally been ignoring me. Should I be worried or is this just a time of the month thing? Do penguins have a time of the month?
— Frapazoid
Penguins have a time of the year, but plushies do not.
Dear Adelie,
What is the best wax for making my feathers attract the hens?
— Slick Willie
If you were a waterfowl, I’d urge you to rely on your natural oils and secretions. Since you are not, I’d urge you to rely on a good psychotherapist. And by the way, we prefer the terms “male” and “female” to “cock” and “hen.” I’m sure you can understand why.
Dear Adelie,
I have been dating this lovely penguin for several years now, and said penguin has proved to be a wonderful companion. The penguin, an open-minded individual, respects my freedom and doesn’t get jealous when I leave the house for a moment, knowing that I have never “slacked” on my responsibilities and have always come back.
However, recently a very attractive blowfish has made itself apparent, and it has even recently suggested that I consider a threesome with the penguin. I do care for the penguin, but that blowfish is seductively whispering in my ear, “secure…by…default.”
I value security in any relationship. Naturally, though, I don’t want to hurt the penguin. What to do, Adelie? What to do?
— Alsa Mille Daemon
You have to ask yourself, dear — do I want an algorithm or an operating system?
Dear Adelie,
Is Tux older than you or younger? Either way, do you have any advice on annoying brothers?
— mimithebrain
I understand the fascination some people have with celebrities, and I’ve resolved to grit my beak and deal with personal questions now that I’ve taken a more public role, but you must forgive me if I’m not entirely comfortable sharing my background and history, even with you lovely readers. However, since you ask — most penguin species lay two eggs at a time. Tux and I are broodmates. I’m not sure which of us emerged from the egg first — our parents never said, and it never occurred to us to ask. As for your other question, I find that teasing them about girls is the best way to annoy brothers.
Adelie, Tux’s less famous sister, answers even your silliest questions on Linux, open source software, and interspecies relationships. Ask Adelie your question. She thanks you all for writing, but regrets that she cannot provide personal answers to all questions.
Category:
- Humor
